In these troubled times, it is important to have someone, or something, to turn to for sound advice. For years, members of the Pasquinade staff have been able to turn to the wisdom of our very own PASJ2000S computer. And now, you can too!

That’s right! No question is too difficult. No question too personal. This once state-of-the-art machine bought dirt cheap at an auction, is one part Watson, one part Dr. Phil and all parts union built.

Sure, but is he qualified? You better believe it! A brief stint as a researcher for Johns Hopkins University has provided the PASJ2000S with a vast knowledge of all disciplines and a fetish for women’s lingerie.

How does it work? It’s simple. Enter your question in the window above, click on the “Ask” icon and the PASJ2000S will respond immediately. However, the PASJ2000S’ schedule being what it is, all queries must be made in the form of a “yes” or “no” question.

We also ask that you follow these simple guidelines:

• Please, do not attempt to use the PASJ2000S to unravel the mysteries of the universe.
• Kids, do not ask the PASJ2000S to answer any questions which may be used in school work.
• And, by all means please do not taunt the PASJ2000S.